Fabulously funny tweet storm contribution from Dan Hon whose refrigerator declared war on him! Enjoy!

Dan Hon (@hondanhon)
wtf our fridge just emailed us to say we opened its door too many times in the past month

wtf our fridge just emailed us to say we opened its door too many times in the past month

I don’t even remember giving permission for our fridge to email. It’s barely a year old, its screen time is highly restricted and it’s a fridge. It should only speak when it’s spoken to. It’s a fridge.

It’s never emailed us before.

I hope it’s not learning at a geometric rate. If it continues I fear my family and I will be taken out of all fridge door opening decisions

Good news everybody, our fridge just told us how much we used the water dispenser and… praised our dedication to saving the environment?

bold of you to assume we keep “fresh food” inside you, fridge

ok I did not know we were doing monthly performance reviews with household appliances but if we are I’m making this a 360 Communication: 🟠 Bad news, fridge! Your communication style and reporting was ineffective and unwarranted!

ehhhhhhhhhhh

to be clear, to date I have received seven (7) emails about/from the fridge 3 for account setup 1 for Ts & Cs 1 for "we weren't hacked honest, but change your password pls?" 1 for "hey, air filter reminder" and then suddenly HEY IT'S REPORT CARD TIME

i stfg if fridge gives me a "badge" next month for "hitting my door opening goal" i will lose it*

* be mildly annoyed and do a bit online

More seriously. Was this information useful? I mean, doesn't feel like it. It's not like we're *trying* to open and close the door a lot. Would the energy change be material? Probably not. Is it just another email to read and delete? Feels like it.

Would I have explicitly chosen to receive or opted into "receive a monthly report with tips about how to use your fridge better and in a way to care for our environment?" Yeah, if it were worded that way, *and it still wouldn't have been particularly useful*

ok yes everyone asking "you only have yourself to blame why did you a) get a smart fridge and b) connect it to the internet?" a) our fridge broke last year early pandemic & our landlord replaced it, we didn't really have a choice b) you've got me

OK yes even more seriously, I connected it to the internet because knowing about internet connected things and *how they work in real life* is kinda part of my job, so ACTUALLY, I DID IT FOR YOU. See:

Dan Hon (@hondanhon)
Goddamnit.

I do this to know about how IoT *actually* works and *actually* feels like when you live with it and use it as intended. And it's like this:

Dan Hon (@hondanhon)
To be clear, this was not my idea

And it's like this:

Dan Hon (@hondanhon)
I legit cannot tell if this is telling me what the fridge is set to, or the current temperature in the fridge.

the thing about running your own/local dns server for your home network is that you get to give accurate names or nicknames to anything in your house that talks internet

I just opened fridge’s app to see what it else it might be saying these days and hey, just saying the design of these onboarding screens really makes it look like fridge and fridges friends think my loved ones are… other household appliances?

like yeah i get it, me presuming my loved ones are only human or carbon-based lifeforms is horribly speciesist because i guess some of my loved ones also are computers but even still it is presumptive of fridge to assume my loved ones are household appliances with ip addresses

I'm not going to unsubscribe from these emails again for Professional Reasons, but this footer really does look like your options are "receive *all* email" or "receive *no* email", and no option for "fridge, shut up"

I bet Captain Picard's replicator doesn't send him a monthly report with traffic light indicators. That's how you know he lives in a more humane and enlightened future. (time to star trek reference:  34 minutes, am slow off the mark today)

what *should* do is set up a script that parses the email and sticks it into whichever minecraft server the kid is in with a broadcast message and plops a giant CLOSE THE FRIDGE DOOR netherite monument or whatever right in their viewport

hey hey hey how do you know your smart fridge is one from the gibsonian cyberspace branch of the future ... ... it's got an ICEmaker

wirecutter 2022: The Best Fridge With A Polite Tone Of Voice When It Emails You For Most People Is

anyway, imagine if you were someone extravagant who owned a vacant holiday home or whatever and then you got one of these emails

Anyway, I collect these. Tbt the time our scales emailed our toddler:

Seriously tho that time our Withings scale told my healthy toddler he should try to lose some weight.

Also #tbt the time our scales noticed my wife had given birth